Praise! (in the name of) Fear of Failure
Stranger,
Everyone hates failure, but those who succeed are not afraid of it.
I am terrified.
Est. October 2019 | Stories are magic. This life is a gift.
Stranger,
Everyone hates failure, but those who succeed are not afraid of it.
I am terrified.
For the past two weeks I have been struggling with severe insomnia and my chronic depression has been working overtime to excel at what it does “best”. These two weeks have been really hard and I have been in a very fragile mental state.
Today, however, I feel slightly better.
I know it sounds silly and corny, but I'm tearing up a little as I write this. Depression is an abhorrent, vile and vicious animal. It alienates and consumes you little by little. It is…I won’t get into that today. Not today. Today is a “good” day. Today I celebrate a bit of warmth and sunshine.
Today is not perfect but it is OK.
Dear Stranger,
If you are suffering in any way, shape or form, remember to be caring and loving and gentle and good and kind to yourself. I know it is easier said than done, but even if you feel like you don't, remember you do matter and you are important.
Through it all, I have always tried to remember the following, which I wrote about a while ago on this strange, yet humble Not. a blog:
I am looking forward to doing what I need to do in order to be successful. Life can only wait for so long before it decides to move on without you—and I do not want [or intend] to be left behind.
Love you,
[REDACTED]
Note: This is an email I wanted to send but didn't.
This is a story about how confusing and humiliating it can be to learn a new language.
Once upon a time, on a bright and sunny Kindergarten day, five-year-old me was sitting on the floor crisscross apple-sauce style when I accidentally committed one of the worst, most embarrassing, most humiliating, most socially unacceptable faux-pas(es?) any elementary-school-aged child could commit: I said a bad word in front of the teacher, and I was stupid enough to get caught.
Stranger,
Whenever you are in doubt; When your mind wanders and your heart A C H E S, and you desperately want to S C R E A M,
because, like me, you're feeling tired, lonely, exhausted, (and) i n a d e q u a t e ,
Sit back and remember this:
“Practice makes proficient (a perfectly good thing to be!) because perfection is not possible”
Godspeed.
C. W.
Note: I may delete this later.
Something very important arrived a few days ago.
For the past year, I have been working with an amazing artist to bring something beautiful out into the real, physical world. This something is the product of unconditional love, hard work, magic and anticipation. When the time is right, I will reveal it and encourage anyone who finds it to use it and treasure it forever.
To some, this something may seen stupid and insignificant but this something will play a unique and instrumental part in helping my Endeavor manifest. Words cannot express how hopeful and happy I feel.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you, thank you.
Much love to you.
Godspeed.
C. W.
[DISCLAIMER: As you read this and laugh at my misfortune, please keep in mind that I was FOUR YEARS OLD at the time and that this happened almost twenty years ago. I don’t remember EVERYTHING that happened, but I do recall enough to give you a gist of the most important parts and of what led to a life-altering discovery and a permanent scar.]
When I was four years old, my idiotic “teacher” thought that it would be a good idea for a group of pure and innocent three and four-year old preschool-aged children to make a project using melted crayola crayons as wax.
unequivocally, I am a slave to my desires (and my insomnia)
4:12am.
When I was in the sixth grade, my teacher said something I will never forget.
“You are a representative for your family. When people judge you, they judge your family too.”
For the longest time, I didn't understand what he meant. (I was twelve at the time) But now I am beginning to see, He was right and wrong all along.
So then, shall we agree to disagree?
I ditched a lot during my Junior and Senior years of high school (for various reasons I will most likely never reveal why) and one of my favorite places (EVER) to go to when the weather was nice was the Como Park Zoo and Conservatory.