I'm starting to grow up, and the reason I know that is because I no longer want to be a witch studying magic at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
A few weeks ago, after months of coveting the 2014 Bloomsbury Harry Potter Special Edition Box Set, I finally jumped the gun and bought it. Arriving a week later, I immediately began re-reading all of the novels. So far, I've re-read the first TWO books and I'm halfway through the third.
The story is still good. It holds up, but I am no longer mystified and envious of the trials and tribulations of Harry Potter & Co. I just see it as a story now, and nothing else. And that breaks my heart a little bit, but it also gives me hope. Seeing the Harry Potter Series for what it is—a story—means I no longer need to escape from the horror that is my life. I am growing and learning and maturing and getting to a place in life where MY reality is (and feels) slightly nicer (and better) than the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
Weird isn't it, to grow up? Suicide (now) feels like the wrong choice. I no longer need to escape while reading (now I read solely for enjoyment), and dying is terrifying, as I've got so many things I want to do; accomplish and complete.
I feel hopeful. I feel happy. I feel excited and like everything is going to work out. Healing is fun. I look forward to doing it a bit more.