I Need to Calm Down...And Get Right to It!

I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. I have been trying to finish a part of my Endeavor for almost three weeks and I've barely made any progress. Illness—both mental and physical—has kept me in bed for hours (and even days) on end, and severe sleep deprivation has made whatever waking time I have a completely misery.

I have been repeating the same thing to myself over and over for the past three weeks and despite acknowledging that what I am saying to myself is true, I also refuse to believe it. Why am I like this? Why are things like this? I recognize that a lot of it is not my fault; but no matter how hard I try to convince myself otherwise, the words ring hollow. Everything bad that is currently happening feels like it is my fault, and that if only I were stronger or faster or cooler or whatever, then things would be different. But that's not the case. And it never will be.


Another day, same struggle.

(but at least I'm not in square one)


C. W.