I'm Behind

I've been sick for the past week or so and I'm very behind with my Endeavor. Negativity got the better of me during the Blood Moon and it manifested physically—in the form of horrible hives, chills, and an earache.

I haven't had the strength/mental space to work on anything and (now that I am slightly better) it is finally getting to me.

Intrusive thoughts are starting to enter my head:

maybe if you had just... why didn't you... you could have... instead of... (etc., etc.)

I hate that they came, but they did. And there was nothing I could do about it.

BUT...

Although I entertained them for a bit, I decided not to let them stay.

I was sick in bed. I was (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) unwell.

I was (and still am) struggling. (a lot.)

I am trapped. I am unwell. I am at a low point again and on the edge. (of reverting back to old and unhealthy habits)

I want to leave (i need to leave) but I can't. Not yet.

Not yet.

But I will (and I'll never come back); when it is least expected.

Godspeed.

C. W.