Random Notes – No. I

I have a heavy pressure in my chest and I feel slightly paranoid; I think writing will help, so here I am.

Work has been steadily busy. I like it, but lack of sleep makes things incredibly overwhelming (sometimes). Work makes me feel paranoid and stressed more than anything else (currently), but I have been repeating a little song I heard a couple of weeks ago to myself when things get tough and it has made a difference. Who knew?

I have started to read more, and that makes me incredibly happy. Reading is very relaxing and comforting, but I become vulnerable when I read and that's when I start to think about things I shouldn't be thinking about: the past, someone, and garbage thoughts in general. Perhaps this is the reason I don't read as much as I used to?

Am I truly as busy as I believe I am, or do I say I'm busy to bullshit myself? Who knows. Maybe therapy will help me figure that one out.

Speaking of therapy...I will be starting with a new therapist in a couple of months. I feel very nervous about this. Vulnerable. I know exactly what to expect but at the same time I don't. We shall see how things go; one session at a time...

I am starting a Japanese class next week and I am a little—just a little bit—exited. I've always wanted to learn Japanese, and it will be a nice language to add to my collection. English. Spanish. French. Japanese. I like it...and Latin will be next too. Someday, when I have time, I'll go back into the arms of Swedish, but now is not the time.

I was finally able to take Max out for a walk. The weather has been super crappy of late and today we went out for a couple of minutes. It was nice, and he seemed to enjoy it, which is the only things that matters. He wore one of his sweaters and he looked cute as a button.

I bought myself a new phone today, along with a couple of accessories. All of it will be delivered Friday or Saturday. I hope everything arrives in good condition.

I purchased a computer online two weeks ago and when it arrived the stupid UPS guy slammed it on the ground like it was a brick. The package made a horrible sound as it hit the floor and I immediately went to Best Buy to get a new one after work (I am using it now to write and so far so good!). I really like it, and it has encouraged me to work a little more on you-know-what.

MLK is coming up on the 17th and I am looking forward to having Monday off. I really need it. I like off days, they're nice, and getting paid to be lazy is always a treat.

I am worried about this blog. I desperately want to be one of those people that can constantly post, and that always has something interesting and/or insightful to say, but that's just not me. Quality over quantity, I always tell myself when another day goes by, but I am a delusional idiot in thinking that my stories are of quality. Ugh, why do I even share them then? Hmm, see? That's insecurity talking...or is it (truth speaking perhaps)?

Animal Crossing has been such a huge stressor in my life; I don't know why I continue to play it. I have no clue of how to decorate my island, and I committed a cardinal sin by spending money on amiibo tokens to get my favorite characters on my island. GASP!

I've wanted a 3D puzzle for a while, but once it's built I will throw it away like the overpriced junk that it is. Should I go for it or not? Is $60 worth an a hour-and-a-half of entertainment? I won't know until I buy it....

Godspeed.

C. W.